Monday, July 1, 2013

Say It, Don't Slay It

Being back in the States has both made me marvel at the extreme consideration and shudder at the utter carelessness of the words and actions of those around me.  So this is a list of DOs and DON’Ts to consider for those returning after an extended stay in another culture.

DO ask specific questions.
            Some of my favorite conversations about India have consisted of concise and specific questions.  Questions like “What was your first impression of India?”, “What do you think God was trying to teach you?”, or even “What kind of clothes did you wear?” are all appropriate.

DON’T ask about “favorites.”
            It is extremely difficult to describe one’s entire experience in response to “What was your favorite thing about being there?”  A better way to start a discussion might be the “Tell me about a time when…[you were scared, you felt the most excited, you saw God work, etc.].”  This will ensure a single story (which IS the aim of the “favorite” model) without causing the overwhelming feeling of ranking experiences.

DO be very tactful when asking questions based on stereotypes or cultural assumptions.
            I cannot count the number of times that I was asked about curry (because, of course, that is the only thing Indians eat), turbans (because obviously every Indian man wears a turban), call centers, Slumdog Millionaire, belly dancing, snake charming, and “those forehead dots.”  It is perfectly fine to be curious about a new culture.  But it is important to remember to ask these things in the right way.
Example:
Turn “How did you handle eating spicy curry every day?” into “Describe the local cuisine. What did you eat on a normal day?” 

DON’T make the statement, “I bet you are so happy to be back.”
            This seems like an innocent enough statement.  However, this statement requires a response…a rather confusing response.  Most people don't only love America or only love their new culture.  There is usually a degree of love of both cultures.  So while it may be totally true that one is glad to be in America, acknowledging that may feel like a denial of love for the other culture.  You see, we spend our time (as in most of our days) trying to fit in and love this new place.  What we don’t need is to feel completely invalidated in our quest because others imply that it is a ‘lesser’ life.  Try instead, “I’m glad to see you back.  We sure missed you and love you!”

DO ask about people.
            I think that many would agree with me when I say that the best things about every place in the world are the people.  The things we miss the most are often the people.  The biggest blessings are the people.  So find out about them.  Listen to their stories and let the knowledge of God’s global work connect you to it.

DO take the time.
            Five second conversations between Bible class and worship services are just not long enough.  Take advantage of these small windows of opportunity to schedule another get together.  It takes time to listen and it takes time to share.  Offer that time.  Offer that gift. 


            Well these are just a few pointers to get people thinking about HOW to talk to our dear friends that return.  Also, I don’t want to imply that perfection is required for these kind of interactions.  Even people that have hurt my feeling so much by saying the wrong things are still very dear to me.  I am not mad.  I have been bestowed with a mess of grace and because of this I have a responsibility to bestow grace on others…as we all do.  

2 comments:

  1. What was your favorite part about making this post?

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  2. 2nd Paragraph, 17th word; 2nd paragraph, 43rd word; 2nd paragraph, 26th word; 2nd paragraph 30th and 31st words; and the first word of the title...punk?

    ReplyDelete