Being back in the States has both made me marvel at the
extreme consideration and shudder at the utter carelessness of the words and
actions of those around me. So this is a
list of DOs and DON’Ts to consider for those returning after an extended stay
in another culture.
DO ask specific questions.
Some
of my favorite conversations about India have consisted of concise and specific
questions. Questions like “What was your
first impression of India?”, “What do you think God was trying to teach you?”,
or even “What kind of clothes did you wear?” are all appropriate.
DON’T ask about “favorites.”
It
is extremely difficult to describe one’s entire experience in response to “What
was your favorite thing about being there?”
A better way to start a discussion might be the “Tell me about a time
when…[you were scared, you felt the most excited, you saw God work, etc.].” This will ensure a single story (which IS the
aim of the “favorite” model) without causing the overwhelming feeling of
ranking experiences.
DO be very tactful when asking questions based on
stereotypes or cultural assumptions.
I
cannot count the number of times that I was asked about curry (because, of
course, that is the only thing Indians eat), turbans (because obviously every
Indian man wears a turban), call centers, Slumdog Millionaire, belly dancing,
snake charming, and “those forehead dots.”
It is perfectly fine to be curious about a new
culture. But it is important to remember
to ask these things in the right way.
Example:
Turn “How did you handle eating spicy curry every
day?” into “Describe the local cuisine. What did you eat on a normal day?”
DON’T make the statement, “I bet you are so happy to
be back.”
This
seems like an innocent enough statement.
However, this statement requires a response…a rather confusing
response. Most people don't only love America
or only love their new culture. There is
usually a degree of love of both cultures.
So while it may be totally true that one is glad to be in America, acknowledging
that may feel like a denial of love for the other culture. You see, we spend our time (as in most of our
days) trying to fit in and love this new place.
What we don’t need is to feel completely invalidated in our quest
because others imply that it is a ‘lesser’ life. Try instead, “I’m glad to see you back. We sure missed you and love you!”
DO ask about people.
I
think that many would agree with me when I say that the best things about every
place in the world are the people. The
things we miss the most are often the people.
The biggest blessings are the people.
So find out about them. Listen to
their stories and let the knowledge of God’s global work connect you to it.
DO take the time.
Five
second conversations between Bible class and worship services are just not long
enough. Take advantage of these small
windows of opportunity to schedule another get together. It takes time to listen and it takes time to
share. Offer that time. Offer that gift.
Well
these are just a few pointers to get people thinking about HOW to talk to our
dear friends that return. Also, I don’t
want to imply that perfection is required for these kind of interactions. Even people that have hurt my feeling so much
by saying the wrong things are still very dear to me. I am not mad.
I have been bestowed with a mess of grace and because of this I have a responsibility
to bestow grace on others…as we all do.
What was your favorite part about making this post?
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